God's hidden blessings

It's been a month since my last chemo treatment on March 3. Also, technically, I was cancer-free on January 4th when I had my PET scan, so it's also 3 months since I've had cancer (or at least known it was gone). On Saturday, it will have been 5 months since I was diagnosed with Hodgkins. And even better, this is also my last week of radiation! I finish on April 11th, and then my dad's birthday is the 12th. This week (or so) is so great! Also, my hair has started to grow back slowly but surely. Apparently it can take about 2 months for it to start filling in, but I can definitely notice a difference from last week and the week before, which was when it started growing after finishing chemo. I can't wait to have a little more hair so that I can stop wearing hats all the time. People stare and ask questions too much, and I don't mind talking, but being finished with chemo and almost finished with radiation makes me want to be completely normal and for others to see me that way. I never liked being sick, and I don't like looking sick because I wear hats so people assume that I have cancer and am going through chemo, and I am not anymore!

A man I sat next to at church today asked me if I was having health complications. Sometimes people ask me completely out of the blue and I don't always have time to think about my response. I wish I would have said that I did have cancer, but that God was so faithful and chose to heal me, and I am so thankful. That's how I really feel. Instead, I said something stupid like "Yes sir, but I'm doing a lot better now, and I'm almost finished with my treatments." But really, what I said wasn't that important. What he said really got to me though. He told me that his mom has liver cancer and breast cancer. Not just one type of cancer, but two cancers. I can't even imagine what that would be like. I mean, I guess I could imagine, but I don't know how I would handle it. However, it is amazing what God can do and the strength that He can give you in situations that you don't think you can handle. The thing is, we can't necessarily handle everything He puts in our lives, but with Him, we can. With God, all things are possible, and we can get through anything with His strength. And, it makes us stronger.

What this man said next was that, over the course of her treatments, his mom had completely thrown out the Gospel and refused to believe that God was in her life because of what she was going through. I didn't know how to respond, but I didn't have to, because then he told me that she had such a rough time, but eventually she came back to the Gospel and her faith in God, and she ended up realizing that God was working in her life through her cancers, and that she could use her experience to bless other people as well. Choosing to bless others allowed her to see that God can bring good and can show His glory through suffering, and that one person's suffering can heal and save others. I don't think this man knew how much he was blessing me this morning by reminding me of those truths.

A few weeks ago, I was in a clothing store called Charming Charlie. I love to shop....probably a little too much. But anyway, I walked up to the checkout line and was admiring a little girl's dress that was so cute on her and looked at her and smiled and told her I loved her dress. She thanked me, in the cutest little voice, and then I heard someone else talking to me. Another lady who was probably in her 60s had come up behind me and was asking me bluntly if I was going through chemo. I told her that I had just finished two weeks before and was starting radiation, and that I had been healed, and I was feeling so good. She was sweet, but she definitely surprised me by being so blunt. She then went on to talk about how she had breast cancer a while back, but that she had also been healed, and that she didn't have to have chemo, but she had heard about it. She told me that a lady she knew told her that she loved chemo, and she didn't understand that at all. How could someone love chemo? The lady explained to her that without chemo, she would not have been healed! It's so true. I told her that it was definitely a love-hate relationship for me, and she laughed.

Then I realized that she really just needed someone to talk to who could somewhat understand what she was going through at the moment. She told me about her husband, and mentioned that he had lung cancer, but then she said that he hadn't made it. The way she said it surprised me because it came out of her mouth so quickly that I almost didn't catch what she said. She said that he had gone to the hospital last February with a massive tumor, and the doctors didn't think he was even going to be able to leave the hospital, that he would die in the next few days, but that he had lived until this February. Here I was talking to her in the second week of March, and her husband had just passed away a few weeks before from lung cancer. I couldn't understand how she had so much strength. I talked to her a little more about it, and told her how sorry I was, and she told me that he was ready to go, and that she was Catholic, and she knew he was in a better place. I think I just agreed and said something about him being completely healed now or something like that. I can't really remember, but it's not important. She made me think about how fragile life is, and she also reminded me of how God's timing is so random, unexpected, and just how things can change so quickly, and that God works in and through everyone and every situation and gives us strength and peace in seemingly impossible situations.

After these experiences, my heart melts a little and I see even more than ever that God has given us a life we don't deserve, and that it won't always be comfortable, but we are given SO much grace and He loves us more than we can imagine, even if our circumstances might not make it seem that way. I love this quote from Oswald Chambers: "Do we not see God at work in our circumstances? Dark times are allowed and come to us through the sovereignty of God. Are we prepared to let God do what He wants with us? Are we prepared to be separated from the outward, evident blessings of God? Until Jesus Christ is truly our Lord, we each have goals of our own which we serve. Our faith is real, but it is not yet permanent." God is at work in your circumstances, and in mine.

Faith got me through my journey with cancer, and faith gets us through any difficult circumstance in our lives. We all must have and desire a permanent faith with Christ because Christ is neverfailing and His plans are perfect. I'm almost done with this cancer journey, but I will always have had cancer, and it has changed my life. Well, God has changed my life through it. He has worked in me through His Word and through many other people, including so many friends and family, who have all been so encouraging and uplifting to me. He has worked in me through every obstacle that has come along the journey and that He has helped me to overcome. God's love, power, and healing are extraordinary. Allow Him to heal you, teach you, make you new, and help you to grow. See Christ's hidden blessings in everything and everyone in your life.