Cast Your Cares on Him

Hey. So I know I haven't blogged in a while. One of the reasons is that I'm back at school, and it's been pretty busy. Another reason, to be completely honest, is that the past few weeks have been kind of hard, and I don't like to complain or be negative. I always try to be really positive, and I do trust God, and I know this is all happening for a reason, but it does get hard sometimes, and it can be really frustrating.

Most of you know I was in the hospital for 5 days during the first week of school. That was tough because I missed a lot of my classes in the beginning, and because they don't really let you sleep much at hospitals. It wasn't fun having a really high fever and feeling sick at the time that I normally feel great (right before I'm supposed to get chemo again). Also, the past 3 chemo treatments have been really hard on me. The doctors all tell you that it gets harder as you go along because your body gets weaker and weaker, but I didn't want to believe it. I want to be normal, and go to school, and hangout with my friends. And sometimes I'm so stubborn that I actually believe I feel completely fine and I try to do everything that everyone who feels normal does, which probably makes me feel worse than I did already. I know, it's not good. But like I've said before, I never got sick much growing up, and being sick for a long period of time is just not fun and hard to accept.

Ever since my last chemo on Thursday, I haven't felt well. The past few days I have felt well off and on, but just not great. I think I'll start to feel better soon, and I'm looking forward to enjoying the next 7 days before my 7th chemo! 7th out of 8 and I'm pretty excited about that. Then there's radiation, but other than the pain of having to go to the hospital 5 days a week, it's SO much easier than chemo. I'll no longer be poisoning my body just so stupid cancer won't grow back in my body.

This has been kind of a negative post. But, sometimes I need to be honest. Even if it's not always in person, at least I'm honest on my blog. I just hate complaining to people. It doesn't help anything, and sometimes pretending I feel okay for the most part actually makes me feel a little better and more normal. Cancer really really STINKS. It does. But I do know for a fact that God is SO much greater than cancer, and that I can trust Him, because He cares for me and He has a plan. I know I say this all the time, but it is what gets you through something like this. No matter how much it stinks, God is sovereign and has a perfect plan, and I have learned to completely trust Him with that. So many other things in life are confusing, but if your life is easy, then God must not be in it. God doesn't want everything to be easy for us. He wants us to desire Him and to have to learn to trust Him. He wants to get the glory from our lives, and that comes from knowing Him and having a relationship with Him and wanting to do everything for Him.

God challenges us, but He blesses us so much more. He blesses us with those challenges, and He teaches us so much through them. That is something else I have learned. Also, God never gives up on us, and He doesn't want us to give up on ourselves. His plan will prevail over everything else. Cast your cares on him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7. God has gotten rid of my cancer, and I trust that it's going to be gone for good! I'm so ready to be finished with this process, but I know that my circumstances have been orchestrated by Him and that He is in control of them. I am blessed to call Him my Savior.

By the way, thank you all so much for the prayers. I appreciate it so much, and it is so encouraging to be surrounded by so many other believers who are so genuinely caring and concerned. I hope everyone has a great night.