Hi, so I was reading in my chronological Bible, and I read some of the Scripture from yesterday and today. Ironically, some of the verses from yesterday, when I had chemo, were so perfect, and are some of my favorites. I just think that shows how God has the right words for us at the right time. He is so faithful. The passages from yesterday, December 16, were Philippians 3:1-4:23 and 1 Timothy 1:1-2:15. I just wanted to share with you a few sections from those passages that I really love:
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from thelaw, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith." Philippians 3:7-9
"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--If anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put itinto practice. And the God of peace will be with you. . . I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:4-9, 13
"But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:16
Then from today's reading, 1 Timothy 3:1-6:21
"For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer." 1 Timothy 4:4
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching." 1 Timothy 4:12-13
"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight ofthe faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:11-12
I hope you all are encouraged by these verses. They are all very convicting to me. "For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than a double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12
P.S. My sister just found out she got into PA school after 2 years of being on the waiting list! Praise God! He is so good, and His will is perfect. :)
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sometimes I get discouraged, but He is there
3 down, 5 to go. Each time I get a little less scared, but I also hate it just a little more. I don't hate who I am or what situation I'm in right now, I just hate cancer. Don't get me wrong--I'm not depressed, and you don't need to worry about that happening. But I am a real person, and no one likes cancer. No matter how confident I am that God will heal me because He IS the ultimate Healer, I still fear, and I still get discouraged. Sitting in a room surrounded by people with different types of cancers and different drug treatments really freaks me out sometimes.
I talked to the lady sitting next to me today, in between watching Dirty Dancing and then falling asleep from the Tylenol, Benadryl, and all the bags of drugs going into my body that make you so fatigued. Anyway, this lady's daughter went to my high school and then went to college at Georgia State, and we started talking about school and Christian values being a part of a university. We also talked about Christian summer camps and how they differ so much from one to the other. She lives on the other side of town and goes to a church where I used to sing in chorus concerts in high school! I enjoyed talking to her. I was afraid to ask what kind of cancer she has, but I asked her how long she had been coming to the cancer center. She said she had been coming since January 2009, and then she asked about me and wished me luck with everything. I felt horrible. I'm only going to be getting treatments through March, which is less than 6 months, and this woman has been getting treated for 2 years and is still fighting. It scared me so much, and made me want to cry for her. It hurts so much to see people go through pain, but sometimes it is even worse just hearing the truth and hearing about what they are going through. It almost makes me feel selfish sometimes because while I am sitting here crying about everything going on, there are people who have been fighting cancers for years and people who die everyday from cancer. It hurts just thinking about it.
It hurts thinking about how God allows suffering, and how He chooses how and when to heal. It's one of those things that is so hard to understand. I know that He works through all suffering and He has a good plan for everyone, but it is still not fun to experience it, that's for sure. Looking at other people's suffering from an outsider's perspective is even harder than I think it would be to experience a lot of your own suffering. Today when I was talking to the woman next to me, I felt ashamed because of the way I talk about cancer. I didn't want her to think it wasn't affecting me, and I don't think she thought that, but I realized that I try to put on this front that is almost somewhat prideful. I love God and trust Him, but I do hate what's happening, and it is definitely NOT easy. The last thing I would ever want to be is fake, and I am learning so much through people like the woman I met today. I don't think she would mind me using her last name, so I'm going to call her Mrs. Baker.
I really hope that next time I get my treatment, on Wedneday, December 29, that I get to see Mrs. Baker again. I hope that I can talk to her about what she has been going through, and let her know that I care about what she is going through. I felt selfish today. Doctors and nurses say, "You're so young. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this now." And "you're in college? you're only 21?" etc. But honestly, no matter how old you are, there is no good time to have cancer. Mrs. Baker has two kids and a husband who are all going through this with her. My family is all going through this with me, as are my friends. I pray that Mrs. Baker is going to get through this as well, and that she will be healed soon. I know these past two years have not been easy for her. It is humbling because I can say that I know because I've gone through it for a month, but really, what I have gone through is probably nothing compared to what she has experienced. Two years of fighting is a long time.
I guess what I'm trying to say through all of this is that life is so fragile, and even in the darkest of situations, we all have something for which we should be thankful. I'm thankful that I'm going to be finished with this in 5 treatments and 5 weeks of radiation. I think Mrs. Baker is thankful that she is still fighting after these two years, and she is trusting in God to heal her and give her the hope she needs. At least that's what I think, because I'm trying to do that, even though I can already confidently say I'm going to get through it. I just know God's not anywhere near finished yet. I'm not trying to sound prideful, or to sound like I know exactly what God has planned for me because I definitely don't. In fact, I have no clue. I just have a feeling that He is not finished, and that He is going to do good.
It is easy to get discouraged, but I do know He is with me. Sometimes I try to find comfort in other people, and it works for a while, but ultimately, none of us are perfect, and it is impossible to do so. We can find full satisfaction, comfort, hope, and peace in Him alone. He alone satisfies our needs and desires. I can't learn to put my full hope in anything but Him.
I hope I didn't discourage anyone or make anyone sad or anything by reading this post. In fact, I hope that I did the opposite. I hope that you all are encouraged to put your faith in God alone and to trust Him and know that He really is the only one in whom you can hope. Remember, He is with you wherever you go.
.
I talked to the lady sitting next to me today, in between watching Dirty Dancing and then falling asleep from the Tylenol, Benadryl, and all the bags of drugs going into my body that make you so fatigued. Anyway, this lady's daughter went to my high school and then went to college at Georgia State, and we started talking about school and Christian values being a part of a university. We also talked about Christian summer camps and how they differ so much from one to the other. She lives on the other side of town and goes to a church where I used to sing in chorus concerts in high school! I enjoyed talking to her. I was afraid to ask what kind of cancer she has, but I asked her how long she had been coming to the cancer center. She said she had been coming since January 2009, and then she asked about me and wished me luck with everything. I felt horrible. I'm only going to be getting treatments through March, which is less than 6 months, and this woman has been getting treated for 2 years and is still fighting. It scared me so much, and made me want to cry for her. It hurts so much to see people go through pain, but sometimes it is even worse just hearing the truth and hearing about what they are going through. It almost makes me feel selfish sometimes because while I am sitting here crying about everything going on, there are people who have been fighting cancers for years and people who die everyday from cancer. It hurts just thinking about it.
It hurts thinking about how God allows suffering, and how He chooses how and when to heal. It's one of those things that is so hard to understand. I know that He works through all suffering and He has a good plan for everyone, but it is still not fun to experience it, that's for sure. Looking at other people's suffering from an outsider's perspective is even harder than I think it would be to experience a lot of your own suffering. Today when I was talking to the woman next to me, I felt ashamed because of the way I talk about cancer. I didn't want her to think it wasn't affecting me, and I don't think she thought that, but I realized that I try to put on this front that is almost somewhat prideful. I love God and trust Him, but I do hate what's happening, and it is definitely NOT easy. The last thing I would ever want to be is fake, and I am learning so much through people like the woman I met today. I don't think she would mind me using her last name, so I'm going to call her Mrs. Baker.
I really hope that next time I get my treatment, on Wedneday, December 29, that I get to see Mrs. Baker again. I hope that I can talk to her about what she has been going through, and let her know that I care about what she is going through. I felt selfish today. Doctors and nurses say, "You're so young. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this now." And "you're in college? you're only 21?" etc. But honestly, no matter how old you are, there is no good time to have cancer. Mrs. Baker has two kids and a husband who are all going through this with her. My family is all going through this with me, as are my friends. I pray that Mrs. Baker is going to get through this as well, and that she will be healed soon. I know these past two years have not been easy for her. It is humbling because I can say that I know because I've gone through it for a month, but really, what I have gone through is probably nothing compared to what she has experienced. Two years of fighting is a long time.
I guess what I'm trying to say through all of this is that life is so fragile, and even in the darkest of situations, we all have something for which we should be thankful. I'm thankful that I'm going to be finished with this in 5 treatments and 5 weeks of radiation. I think Mrs. Baker is thankful that she is still fighting after these two years, and she is trusting in God to heal her and give her the hope she needs. At least that's what I think, because I'm trying to do that, even though I can already confidently say I'm going to get through it. I just know God's not anywhere near finished yet. I'm not trying to sound prideful, or to sound like I know exactly what God has planned for me because I definitely don't. In fact, I have no clue. I just have a feeling that He is not finished, and that He is going to do good.
It is easy to get discouraged, but I do know He is with me. Sometimes I try to find comfort in other people, and it works for a while, but ultimately, none of us are perfect, and it is impossible to do so. We can find full satisfaction, comfort, hope, and peace in Him alone. He alone satisfies our needs and desires. I can't learn to put my full hope in anything but Him.
I hope I didn't discourage anyone or make anyone sad or anything by reading this post. In fact, I hope that I did the opposite. I hope that you all are encouraged to put your faith in God alone and to trust Him and know that He really is the only one in whom you can hope. Remember, He is with you wherever you go.
.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Muddy Waters
Do you ever have trouble understanding what God is doing in your life? Ever get confused about something that has happened, whether it be a small thing or something big? Sometimes life is just so confusing, and situations can be so hard to understand. What do you do then? Well, it's up to you, but only if that's what you choose.
Instead of saying it's up to you, I should tell you that it really is up to God. No matter how confusing something may be, it's happening because of something God is doing in your life. It might be hard to understand at the time, but later you will see that God did have a plan for it. You can try to manipulate situations on your own, but God will end up turning everything right back in the direction it was headed in the beginning.
I have a lot of confusion in my life, and I'm sure you have a lot in yours as well. I encourage you to embrace it. Don't get discouraged, but look to God, and trust Him. Trust that the confusion will work itself out, with God's help of course. I know it's frustrating sometimes, and you might feel like you don't deserve it. But I promise, and I'm speaking to myself as well, that God will show Himself in it. He will show you that yes, it was frustrating, and it was painful, but you will also learn so many lessons. Lately, I've learned patience, and I've learned to trust God and rely on Him completely. I've learned to accept things the way they are and to live out whatever sitiuation I'm in for His glory. I've learned to not take things personally, and to love people for who they are. These are all difficult lessons to learn, but I've learned them because of where I've been on God's path for my life and because of where I am now.
I have no clue what I'm going to be doing when I graduate from Samford. But, am at peace with God right now, and not just about that, but about so many other aspects of my life. I pray that you all can find the same peace and experience the overwhelming comfort that comes with it. God's love is so powerful, and it captivates me. I am learning that all I need is Christ because only He can completely satisfy my desires. Christ should always be at the center of your life and everything and everyone in it.
If you are still confused and upset with whatever you are dealing with in your life, I encourage you to read Hebrews and Philippians, which are two of my favorites. God is in control, and He is good, and if you haven't let Him in your life yet or you haven't given everything to Him, I encourage you to do so, because He really will change your life. It's something that's almost impossible to describe, but it's real, and when He's living with you and you're abiding in Him, life looks so radically different than anything you could have imagined.
.
Instead of saying it's up to you, I should tell you that it really is up to God. No matter how confusing something may be, it's happening because of something God is doing in your life. It might be hard to understand at the time, but later you will see that God did have a plan for it. You can try to manipulate situations on your own, but God will end up turning everything right back in the direction it was headed in the beginning.
I have a lot of confusion in my life, and I'm sure you have a lot in yours as well. I encourage you to embrace it. Don't get discouraged, but look to God, and trust Him. Trust that the confusion will work itself out, with God's help of course. I know it's frustrating sometimes, and you might feel like you don't deserve it. But I promise, and I'm speaking to myself as well, that God will show Himself in it. He will show you that yes, it was frustrating, and it was painful, but you will also learn so many lessons. Lately, I've learned patience, and I've learned to trust God and rely on Him completely. I've learned to accept things the way they are and to live out whatever sitiuation I'm in for His glory. I've learned to not take things personally, and to love people for who they are. These are all difficult lessons to learn, but I've learned them because of where I've been on God's path for my life and because of where I am now.
I have no clue what I'm going to be doing when I graduate from Samford. But, am at peace with God right now, and not just about that, but about so many other aspects of my life. I pray that you all can find the same peace and experience the overwhelming comfort that comes with it. God's love is so powerful, and it captivates me. I am learning that all I need is Christ because only He can completely satisfy my desires. Christ should always be at the center of your life and everything and everyone in it.
If you are still confused and upset with whatever you are dealing with in your life, I encourage you to read Hebrews and Philippians, which are two of my favorites. God is in control, and He is good, and if you haven't let Him in your life yet or you haven't given everything to Him, I encourage you to do so, because He really will change your life. It's something that's almost impossible to describe, but it's real, and when He's living with you and you're abiding in Him, life looks so radically different than anything you could have imagined.
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