Staying Strong

I'm going to try to update this blog every now and then. I haven't been very good at blogging this semester. Today I'm having a little bit of a rough time. Last night I decided to go ahead and get my hair buzzed because it was falling out everywhere, and the top of my head was already pretty bald. A few of my wonderful friends went with me, and I just love them so much. I don't know what I would do if God had not put each one of them in my life. I know they are all in it for a reason, and I'm so blessed to call them my friends. There are also so many other people and friends I have who have been so encouraging throughout the past several weeks, and I'm so thankful for them as well. Knowing how much people care sometimes just leaves me speechless, but I know that the love and encouragement they are able to give is because of God. It's all because of God.

I woke up this morning and got in the shower and kind of freaked out when I ran my fingers through what's left of my hair. I think I would rather just have it all gone, and I'm going to go shave it when I get home this week. In the Bible, hair is actually a symbol of a woman's glory, and long hair used to be considered prideful. That makes me feel a little better, but it's still hard. I can tell myself it's just hair, but I don't really think that is the source of the problem. Yes, I'm kind of disheartened by the fact that my head is practically bald, but what is really making me upset is just the fact that it's so different from anything I've ever experienced before, and that's scary in itself. It's looking at myself in a different way than ever before that is so difficult to do. It's painful trying to see myself through God's eyes only. He thinks we're all beautiful because we are His creations--not because of the hair on our heads. He does know how many we have though! "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'” --1 Samuel 16:7. Having almost no hair is so humbling that it hurts. But it's okay to be sad sometimes, as long as you realize that you need to look to God for your strength, and only He can heal the hurt, the sick, the sad, and the wounded. So, I guess my tears are okay. I always feel so... weak when I cry, but we are weak! That's why it is already so humbling for me, even just because I'm realizing that even more every day. We are weak, but He is strong. And He can get me through anything and everything that comes my way because it is in His plan. Trust Him with all of your heart.