1 more!!

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love." 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Be still; stand firm; be courageous; be strong; act out of love. These are all great commands the Lord gives us in His Word, and they are all a challenge to follow, especially when circumstances are trying and difficult. James 1:2-3 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

For the past 14 weeks or so, I've faced one major trial: cancer, but God has healed me, and I am now in remission. It's been difficult understanding that, although my doctor says I'm in remission, I still have to go through the pain of chemo. Today I woke up and didn't feel like moving from my bed. Chemo just makes you feel that bad, and the Nulasta shot I get on Friday makes it twice as bad on Saturday and Sunday, and sometimes for a few days after that. Knowing that I'm cancer-free, I could not be more thankful for the Lord's faithfulness and answer to prayers.

God has taught me more through having cancer than through anything else. Struggling with something like cancer opens your eyes to the suffering that goes on around the world all the time. God allows suffering because it tests our faith and produces perserverance. I couldn't agree with James more on that one. When I first found out that I had cancer, I was a little upset with God. I wasn't bitter, just confused. I did think,"I don't deserve this. I couldn't be hearing him right. God, what's going on?" But, as I watched my mom's eyes tear up, I found confidence in the Lord and began my struggle to trust Him completely at that very moment.

Before cancer, my life wasn't perfect, but for the most part, I was pretty comfortable with everything in it. With my family, my friends, school, my work load, my growing relationship with the Lord, etc. Having cancer has taught me more and more that God doesn't want our lives to be "comfortable" because not much happens when you're comfortable. Struggles make us stronger and draw us closer to God because when we realize we aren't in control, we have to put our hope and faith in Christ to get us through everything. He promises us that everything will work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose, and He doesn't want us to be anxious or worry about anything, but to find peace in Him. "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:5. God also wants us to share in Christ's sufferings.

I know you all have also been through a lot of different trials, whether big or small, over the past few months. Trust that God has placed those in your life for a reason, and that He is shaping you into the man or woman He wants you to become by giving you those trials to overcome. I have so much for which to be thankful, and I'm not thankful for cancer, but I'm thankful for what God has taught me through it. I have one more chemo left, and then 3 weeks off before radiation. I'm so excited about finishing chemo and being able to feel more myself. Have a wonderful weekend, and spend some time alone with God, and remember to thank Him for the trials He has placed in your life.

Cast Your Cares on Him

Hey. So I know I haven't blogged in a while. One of the reasons is that I'm back at school, and it's been pretty busy. Another reason, to be completely honest, is that the past few weeks have been kind of hard, and I don't like to complain or be negative. I always try to be really positive, and I do trust God, and I know this is all happening for a reason, but it does get hard sometimes, and it can be really frustrating.

Most of you know I was in the hospital for 5 days during the first week of school. That was tough because I missed a lot of my classes in the beginning, and because they don't really let you sleep much at hospitals. It wasn't fun having a really high fever and feeling sick at the time that I normally feel great (right before I'm supposed to get chemo again). Also, the past 3 chemo treatments have been really hard on me. The doctors all tell you that it gets harder as you go along because your body gets weaker and weaker, but I didn't want to believe it. I want to be normal, and go to school, and hangout with my friends. And sometimes I'm so stubborn that I actually believe I feel completely fine and I try to do everything that everyone who feels normal does, which probably makes me feel worse than I did already. I know, it's not good. But like I've said before, I never got sick much growing up, and being sick for a long period of time is just not fun and hard to accept.

Ever since my last chemo on Thursday, I haven't felt well. The past few days I have felt well off and on, but just not great. I think I'll start to feel better soon, and I'm looking forward to enjoying the next 7 days before my 7th chemo! 7th out of 8 and I'm pretty excited about that. Then there's radiation, but other than the pain of having to go to the hospital 5 days a week, it's SO much easier than chemo. I'll no longer be poisoning my body just so stupid cancer won't grow back in my body.

This has been kind of a negative post. But, sometimes I need to be honest. Even if it's not always in person, at least I'm honest on my blog. I just hate complaining to people. It doesn't help anything, and sometimes pretending I feel okay for the most part actually makes me feel a little better and more normal. Cancer really really STINKS. It does. But I do know for a fact that God is SO much greater than cancer, and that I can trust Him, because He cares for me and He has a plan. I know I say this all the time, but it is what gets you through something like this. No matter how much it stinks, God is sovereign and has a perfect plan, and I have learned to completely trust Him with that. So many other things in life are confusing, but if your life is easy, then God must not be in it. God doesn't want everything to be easy for us. He wants us to desire Him and to have to learn to trust Him. He wants to get the glory from our lives, and that comes from knowing Him and having a relationship with Him and wanting to do everything for Him.

God challenges us, but He blesses us so much more. He blesses us with those challenges, and He teaches us so much through them. That is something else I have learned. Also, God never gives up on us, and He doesn't want us to give up on ourselves. His plan will prevail over everything else. Cast your cares on him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7. God has gotten rid of my cancer, and I trust that it's going to be gone for good! I'm so ready to be finished with this process, but I know that my circumstances have been orchestrated by Him and that He is in control of them. I am blessed to call Him my Savior.

By the way, thank you all so much for the prayers. I appreciate it so much, and it is so encouraging to be surrounded by so many other believers who are so genuinely caring and concerned. I hope everyone has a great night.

A New Semester

Tomorrow I go back to Birmingham to start spring semester classes on Monday. I'm a little nervous about going back because the first two months are going to be a little hectic. Less than 5 weeks from now, I'll be finished with chemo!! I'm so glad. It's funny because I really don't think about it much at all anymore until a few days before and for a few days after, when I feel pretty bad. During the time in between, I feel normal. The PET scan that I had a few weeks ago, when I was half-way finished with chemo, showed little to no cancer cells left in my body, which is amazing! God is so faithful, and prayer is extremely powerful. After I got those results, I wanted to stop getting chemo and going through all of this. But, I know that the doctors know what they are doing, and in order for the cancer to never come back, I need to finish this process. Chemo stinks, but I'm more than willing to finish so that I will never have cancer again, and I will healthy for the rest of my life! Now, I just have 3 more, and I have to get them all in Birmingham. I am more than ready to be back at Samford, but I honestly am a little anxious because it is going to be tough to finish chemo and then have radiation 5 days a week after that. It's not fun, and it's not easy, and I'm trusting that God is going to get me through it and keep me from getting too sick after my treatments so that I don't have to miss too much class. I'm already going to miss 3 Thursdays and 3 Fridays in the first 5 weeks of class, which is a lot. Also, I'm going to be more tired than normal, especially when I'm on Samford schedule instead of break schedule. I'm taking 14 hours(5 classes), and I also have to work on the yearbook a lot, and I'm interning 2 days a week at Flower. I think that my classes will be manageable, it is just the matter of having energy to make up the work that I miss and also to be able to do the things I enjoy, like going to Campus Outreach and to my bible study, and spending time with people! I can't imagine my life without the people I know at Samford and in Birmingham. Most importantly, I can't imagine it without God, and there is no way I could make it through this without Him. I'm dealing with all of this because He knows I can get through it, and it is part of what He has been planning for me before I was even born. He knows everything about me, and He gives me strength to get through everything. I'm leaning on Him and trusting Him to get me through the rest of this process and to help me have fun at school at the same time, and to continue to enjoy my time and my relationships there. In 2 months, I can see myself rejoicing because I will still be cancer-free like I am now, and I will be able to live life with one less weight on my shoulders, and I will see even more clearly why God has placed me in this situation this year. I love Him no matter how hard things get, and I love Him even more when I see how faithful He is through the storms of life, and that I can still have so much joy because the Lord gives it to me constantly! I'm looking forward to this semester because I know God has so much to teach me and show me through everything that will happen and through everyone in my life. I thank Him for that, and I feel blessed to be able to spend another semester at Samford:)

Relationships, Fear, and Jesus

With a new semester starting just days away, I have had a lot on my mind. A lot happened last semester, and it was tough, but it was exciting. When I say that it was exciting, I am referring to the excitement that comes when you look at God's work and realize that He has been so faithful. At the beginning of the semester, God began to place a lot of new people and friends in my life, and throughout the semester, I was able to see the reason that each one was placed in my life, and also to see the potential for relationships in the future. I hate surface-level relationships, and it is exciting to me when I can develop relationships with people and have good conversations. Every relationship, no matter what type, is an opportunity to love someone as God loves us, and to put another person's interests above our own.

Philippians 2:3 says that, in humility, we should count others more significant than ourselves. 1 John 4:19 says that we love because He first loved us. John 15:13 says that there is nothing greater than the man who lays down his life for his friends. It is so challenging for us to love like Jesus, but it is so beautiful when we do. This past semester, the relationships I already had before developed, and I started a lot of new ones. I met a lot of new people, or got to know acquaintances a lot better. You know who you are, but I am so blessed for each relationship in my life, and it is so great to see God working in each one. Every relationship is different, and some are deeper or more personal than others, but if you are open, honest, and genuine in your relationships, each one will be special in its own way.

You will find encouragement, accountability, and love. You will see the light of Christ in others when you may have not seen it before. You will talk about things you have never revealed to anyone other than God. You will share your heart, and you will find that it is a lot easier than you thought. You will realize that you are not perfect, and that no one is. You will see that no relationship can be perfect, but that you can have unconditional love in relationships, and that does make them a lot easier. As you develop strong relationships with people, you learn to judge less and less and to accept, respect, and appreciate more and more. But most of all, you learn that the most important relationship you will ever has is the relationship you have with Jesus Christ. That relationship will always be a struggle, and you will have to learn to devote the most time to it in order to grow, but it will be more than worth it. Without that relationship, you leave a hole in your life that cannot be replaced by anything or anyone else. You can try to fill the hole, but you will constantly fail and look for something else to satisfy you.

I've been thinking about fear recently-fear in relationships. There is a difference between fear and fear of the Lord. Fear comes from Satan, and fear of the Lord comes from one's relationship with the Lord. Fear of the Lord is good. But fear is not good. When we fear, we are allowing Satan to control us, to manipulate our feelings. We allow anxiety to take over. The Lord tells us not to fear, for He is with us, and He will never leave or forsake us. We are to not fear the future or to be anxious about what is to come. Proverbs 31:30 says that a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. People who fear the Lord are serious about their relationship with Him. They want to please Him in everything they do, but they also know that we please the Lord through our faith, not by our works. They trust the Lord with their lives, and they believe that He has a perfect plan. They are not anxious about what is to come, but they have faith that He has it under control.
Luke 1:50 says that "his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation." Our relationship with the Lord should be based on fear, but a fear of the Lord, which is also a realization and appreciation of the mercy He gives to us. If we want our other relationships to mirror our relationship with Christ, then we need to allow our fear of the Lord to control those relationships. Trust the Lord to work in your relationships with other people, and to use them to allow your relationship with Him to improve. Ask Him to show you ways to improve your relationships, and ways that you can learn from each other and encourage one another. Thank Him for the relationships that you have, and pray that they will continue to develop into Christ-like relationships, and that they will last.

Our earthly relationships are not eternal, but our relationship with God is. It is the toughest relationship to maintain unless you are disciplined and genuinely want to grow, but it is also the easiest relationship to have. Christ offers everyone the chance to have a relationship with Him because He loves each one of us and died for each of us. He wants to work in us and change us, and He also wants to show who He is through the other relationships we have. Treasure your relationships, and make your relationship with God the most important, and it will change the way you look at life, and the way you look at the other relationships in your life.

Staying Positive

My throat feels like it's swelling up. My taste buds are all weird. I've had about 20 cans of ginger ale or sprite in the past 2 days because everything else tastes disgusting. I've had a queasy feeling in my stomach since yesterday morning. These are some of the realities of chemo and it's effects. It flat out stinks. I hate chemo. I wish they would call it something else. Something that describes it better. Instead, they call it chemotherapy. Therapy is supposed to be good for you and make you feel good. Chemo doesn't make you feel good until you're completely finished with all of it. Chemo is good only because it heals us, which is obviously great. I can stay positive because I will be finished with chemo less than 6 weeks from now, and I'm more than ready. God has a plan, and even if sometimes, things stink, you can always learn from them. He is in control, and He will be faithful, even through the storms of your life. Today I'm just being honest. It's easy to stay positive, and to have a good attitude, and to trust God, especially since I just found out that I'm basically already cancer-free, which is awesome. Praise God. But I also just wanted to be realistic. Chemo stinks. But God IS WAY BIGGER than chemo and cancer.